FAMILY LAW
Custody and contact: your lawyer in Cologne
After a separation, parents have to organise the day-to-day care of their child. Custody concerns fundamental, far-reaching decisions such as the choice of school, medical procedures or where the child lives, which have to be taken jointly where custody is shared. Contact, by contrast, governs personal contact, care time in daily life and arrangements for holidays such as Christmas. It becomes a matter for the family court when parents cannot agree on fundamental questions such as residence, or in long-running contact disputes. I am Dr Hanna Schmidt, attorney at law, and I run DR. SCHMIDT LEGAL in Cologne. I represent one parent and work towards an arrangement that holds.
Custody and contact are two different things
In conversation the sentence “I want custody” comes up almost every time. What is usually meant is something else: the wish that the child should live with you, or that contact with the other parent should be reliably arranged. Those are three separate questions, and they are answered by different standards.
Joint parental custody is the norm
Married parents hold parental custody jointly, and a separation changes nothing about that. Even after one parent moves out, both remain holders of custody until a court decides otherwise. Unmarried parents arrive at joint custody through a declaration of custody at the youth welfare office or before a notary, through marriage, or through an application to the family court.
Joint custody does not mean that every detail has to be agreed. Matters of daily life are decided by the parent with whom the child has its habitual residence. What is decided jointly are matters of substantial significance. These include, for example, the choice of school, a change of school, an operation, religious affiliation, a move to another city and the issue of a passport.
Sole custody is the exception and has to be justified
A parent obtains sole custody on application where the other consents, or where the court is satisfied that ending joint custody best serves the child's welfare. With older children their own wishes weigh increasingly heavily. The fact that the parents communicate badly is not enough.
What matters is whether they can still reach a decision at all on the important questions and whether the child suffers from the deadlock. In practice, full sole custody is rarely the right application. More often the issue is one part of custody or a single matter, such as the choice of secondary school.
The right to determine residence: the part that is really fought over
The right to determine the child's residence is part of parental custody and can be transferred on its own. Whoever holds it determines where the child lives. That is what most proceedings are about, even where they look from the outside like a custody dispute.
For a lawyer that is a question of how the application is framed: an application to transfer the right to determine residence regularly has better prospects than an application for sole custody, because it attacks only the point that is actually in dispute.
Contact: first and foremost a right of the child
The child has a right to contact with each parent, and each parent is both entitled and obliged to have contact; that perspective decides the proceedings. What is measured is the child's relationship with both parents. A fair split between the adults is not the standard. Grandparents and siblings can also have a right of contact of their own under certain conditions.
Both parents must refrain from anything that impairs the child's relationship with the other parent. Contact is only restricted or excluded where the child's welfare requires it, and a longer exclusion presupposes a risk of harm. What actually carries an arrangement in daily life is unspectacular: fixed weekdays with times, a holiday calendar, a handover place and a handover person.
Alternating residence takes more than goodwill
Under an alternating residence model both parents care for the child equally. That works where four things come together: short distances between the two homes and the school, two parents who can communicate about everyday matters, a child who copes with the change, and working hours that fit the calendar.
Where the ability to communicate is missing, the model turns into a permanent conflict with the child in the middle. A court can also order alternating residence, but examines precisely those conditions. A side effect that surprises many: roughly equal care shifts the maintenance calculation, and child maintenance then has to be recalculated.
The child's welfare is the standard, not the allocation of blame
In children's matters the court makes the decision that best serves the child's welfare (section 1697a German Civil Code). In practice that means: anyone who argues in the proceedings about why the other failed as a partner has argued nothing.
What counts is the child's bond with both parents, the continuity of its circumstances, who provided care in the past, what each household can offer, the child's wishes as appropriate to its age, and the willingness to support contact with the other parent actively. That last point is underestimated. It is observed, and it is assessed.
Moving with the child
A move that substantially changes the child's daily life and contact arrangements is not an everyday decision. Where both parents hold custody, they have to agree. If no agreement is reached, the family court decides on application about the right to determine residence, and not about the move itself. Moving without consent is a disadvantage at the outset that can hardly be repaired in the proceedings.
A move abroad adds a second level. For proceedings about parental responsibility within the EU, the Brussels IIb Regulation (Regulation (EU) 2019/1111) applies. Where a child is taken across a border without the consent of the other parent holding custody, the Hague Child Abduction Convention applies, which is designed for a swift return. I advise on this in English as well.
What weakens your position in a custody or contact matter
01
Deciding unilaterally and informing the other afterwards
The school place is taken, the passport applied for, and the other parent hears about it afterwards. Where custody is shared, that is an interference with a right belonging to the other parent. The episode ends up in the file as evidence of an inability to cooperate.
02
Conducting the conflict by message
Messages written at night read differently in proceedings than they did while being written. They are printed out, sorted and read aloud. A single sentence can topple an otherwise sound position. What helps: organisation only, short sentences, no judgements about the other person, no replies in the heat of the moment.
03
Documenting nothing
Saying after eight months that contact was “often” cancelled says nothing. Producing a list with the date, the agreed time, what actually happened and the reason for the cancellation says something. Without documentation it is one account against the other.
04
Mixing up the couple level and the parent level
The hurt and the logistics run through the same conversations. The holidays are then negotiated while the new partner is argued about.
05
Using the child as a messenger
The child takes on a role it cannot carry. It begins telling each parent what that parent wants to hear. Its expressed wishes are then only of limited use in the proceedings.
How I proceed
01
Taking stock, and an aim that daily life can deliver
First we sort out what this is actually about: residence, part of custody, the contact calendar or a single decision. An application that does not work in the calendar helps nobody.
02
Out of court first, but with a deadline
Most contact arrangements come about without proceedings. I write to the other side with a concrete proposal: a calendar with dates, times and handover places, not a statement of principle, together with a deadline, and in parallel everything is documented.
03
Proceedings at the Cologne Local Court
Jurisdiction lies with the family court at the local court in whose district the child has its habitual residence, so for Cologne families as a rule the Cologne Local Court. If the parents agree on contact, the arrangement is recorded as a settlement where the court approves it (section 156(2) FamFG).
04
The urgent case: an interim order
Where there is an urgent need to act immediately, an interim order is possible. Such a decision is provisional and does not replace the final arrangement. Anyone who needs one needs it the same day. It is the exception, however, because the requirement to expedite applies to children's matters in ordinary proceedings as well (section 155 FamFG).
A typical situation
01
The father wants alternating residence
Two children, seven and eleven, and the mother moves to Nippes. Every second weekend was agreed, but it happens irregularly. The first question is then not the model but the weekly schedule. If that schedule does not produce roughly equal care, extended contact with two fixed overnight stays is the more robust arrangement.
YOUR QUESTIONS
Frequently asked questions
A parent only obtains sole custody where the other consents, or where the court is satisfied that ending joint custody best serves the child's welfare. Difficult communication alone is not enough. More common than full sole custody is the transfer of one part of it, usually the right to determine residence, or a decision on a single matter such as the choice of school.
Not alone, as long as both parents hold custody. A move that substantially changes the child's daily life and contact is a matter of substantial significance. If no agreement is reached, the family court decides on application about the right to determine residence. For a move to another EU country, the Brussels IIb Regulation (Regulation (EU) 2019/1111) comes in as well. Clarify a planned move beforehand, not afterwards.
No. Contact and maintenance are separate claims, and contact is first of all a right of the child that the parents cannot set off against each other. Anyone who breaks off contact for that reason breaches an existing arrangement and risks enforcement measures. It also damages their own position in the proceedings. Maintenance is enforced separately, if necessary through an enforceable title and enforcement proceedings.
The youth welfare office is involved and gives a statement on the child's situation. The guardian ad litem is appointed by the court where the child's interests require it. They represent the child's interests alone and are the lawyer of neither the mother nor the father. I prepare clients for what matters in that conversation: the child's perspective, not the balance sheet of the relationship.
I bill by time rather than by the value of the proceedings, which is set low in children's matters: 280 euros per hour plus 19% VAT. The statutory fees under the German Lawyers' Fees Act (RVG) form the minimum. Billing through legal expenses insurance is possible. As a rule the insurer only pays the statutory fees; you bear the difference to the hourly fee.
Discussing a custody or contact situation in Cologne
Bring what you have: how a normal week runs, the arrangement so far, the original correspondence. In the initial consultation that becomes a concrete proposal you can work with. Appointments at Jakordenstrasse 8, by video or by phone.
FAMILY LAW
Custody and contact: your lawyer in Cologne
After a separation, parents have to organise the day-to-day care of their child. Custody concerns fundamental, far-reaching decisions such as the choice of school, medical procedures or where the child lives, which have to be taken jointly where custody is shared. Contact, by contrast, governs personal contact, care time in daily life and arrangements for holidays such as Christmas. It becomes a matter for the family court when parents cannot agree on fundamental questions such as residence, or in long-running contact disputes. I am Dr Hanna Schmidt, attorney at law, and I run DR. SCHMIDT LEGAL in Cologne. I represent one parent and work towards an arrangement that holds.
Custody and contact are two different things
In conversation the sentence “I want custody” comes up almost every time. What is usually meant is something else: the wish that the child should live with you, or that contact with the other parent should be reliably arranged. Those are three separate questions, and they are answered by different standards.
Joint parental custody is the norm
Married parents hold parental custody jointly, and a separation changes nothing about that. Even after one parent moves out, both remain holders of custody until a court decides otherwise. Unmarried parents arrive at joint custody through a declaration of custody at the youth welfare office or before a notary, through marriage, or through an application to the family court.
Joint custody does not mean that every detail has to be agreed. Matters of daily life are decided by the parent with whom the child has its habitual residence. What is decided jointly are matters of substantial significance. These include, for example, the choice of school, a change of school, an operation, religious affiliation, a move to another city and the issue of a passport.
Sole custody is the exception and has to be justified
A parent obtains sole custody on application where the other consents, or where the court is satisfied that ending joint custody best serves the child's welfare. With older children their own wishes weigh increasingly heavily. The fact that the parents communicate badly is not enough.
What matters is whether they can still reach a decision at all on the important questions and whether the child suffers from the deadlock. In practice, full sole custody is rarely the right application. More often the issue is one part of custody or a single matter, such as the choice of secondary school.
The right to determine residence: the part that is really fought over
The right to determine the child's residence is part of parental custody and can be transferred on its own. Whoever holds it determines where the child lives. That is what most proceedings are about, even where they look from the outside like a custody dispute.
For a lawyer that is a question of how the application is framed: an application to transfer the right to determine residence regularly has better prospects than an application for sole custody, because it attacks only the point that is actually in dispute.
Contact: first and foremost a right of the child
The child has a right to contact with each parent, and each parent is both entitled and obliged to have contact; that perspective decides the proceedings. What is measured is the child's relationship with both parents. A fair split between the adults is not the standard. Grandparents and siblings can also have a right of contact of their own under certain conditions.
Both parents must refrain from anything that impairs the child's relationship with the other parent. Contact is only restricted or excluded where the child's welfare requires it, and a longer exclusion presupposes a risk of harm. What actually carries an arrangement in daily life is unspectacular: fixed weekdays with times, a holiday calendar, a handover place and a handover person.
Alternating residence takes more than goodwill
Under an alternating residence model both parents care for the child equally. That works where four things come together: short distances between the two homes and the school, two parents who can communicate about everyday matters, a child who copes with the change, and working hours that fit the calendar.
Where the ability to communicate is missing, the model turns into a permanent conflict with the child in the middle. A court can also order alternating residence, but examines precisely those conditions. A side effect that surprises many: roughly equal care shifts the maintenance calculation, and child maintenance then has to be recalculated.
The child's welfare is the standard, not the allocation of blame
In children's matters the court makes the decision that best serves the child's welfare (section 1697a German Civil Code). In practice that means: anyone who argues in the proceedings about why the other failed as a partner has argued nothing.
What counts is the child's bond with both parents, the continuity of its circumstances, who provided care in the past, what each household can offer, the child's wishes as appropriate to its age, and the willingness to support contact with the other parent actively. That last point is underestimated. It is observed, and it is assessed.
Moving with the child
A move that substantially changes the child's daily life and contact arrangements is not an everyday decision. Where both parents hold custody, they have to agree. If no agreement is reached, the family court decides on application about the right to determine residence, and not about the move itself. Moving without consent is a disadvantage at the outset that can hardly be repaired in the proceedings.
A move abroad adds a second level. For proceedings about parental responsibility within the EU, the Brussels IIb Regulation (Regulation (EU) 2019/1111) applies. Where a child is taken across a border without the consent of the other parent holding custody, the Hague Child Abduction Convention applies, which is designed for a swift return. I advise on this in English as well.
What weakens your position in a custody or contact matter
01
Deciding unilaterally and informing the other afterwards
The school place is taken, the passport applied for, and the other parent hears about it afterwards. Where custody is shared, that is an interference with a right belonging to the other parent. The episode ends up in the file as evidence of an inability to cooperate.
02
Conducting the conflict by message
Messages written at night read differently in proceedings than they did while being written. They are printed out, sorted and read aloud. A single sentence can topple an otherwise sound position. What helps: organisation only, short sentences, no judgements about the other person, no replies in the heat of the moment.
03
Documenting nothing
Saying after eight months that contact was “often” cancelled says nothing. Producing a list with the date, the agreed time, what actually happened and the reason for the cancellation says something. Without documentation it is one account against the other.
04
Mixing up the couple level and the parent level
The hurt and the logistics run through the same conversations. The holidays are then negotiated while the new partner is argued about.
05
Using the child as a messenger
The child takes on a role it cannot carry. It begins telling each parent what that parent wants to hear. Its expressed wishes are then only of limited use in the proceedings.
How I proceed
01
Taking stock, and an aim that daily life can deliver
First we sort out what this is actually about: residence, part of custody, the contact calendar or a single decision. An application that does not work in the calendar helps nobody.
02
Out of court first, but with a deadline
Most contact arrangements come about without proceedings. I write to the other side with a concrete proposal: a calendar with dates, times and handover places, not a statement of principle, together with a deadline, and in parallel everything is documented.
03
Proceedings at the Cologne Local Court
Jurisdiction lies with the family court at the local court in whose district the child has its habitual residence, so for Cologne families as a rule the Cologne Local Court. If the parents agree on contact, the arrangement is recorded as a settlement where the court approves it (section 156(2) FamFG).
04
The urgent case: an interim order
Where there is an urgent need to act immediately, an interim order is possible. Such a decision is provisional and does not replace the final arrangement. Anyone who needs one needs it the same day. It is the exception, however, because the requirement to expedite applies to children's matters in ordinary proceedings as well (section 155 FamFG).
A typical situation
01
The father wants alternating residence
Two children, seven and eleven, and the mother moves to Nippes. Every second weekend was agreed, but it happens irregularly. The first question is then not the model but the weekly schedule. If that schedule does not produce roughly equal care, extended contact with two fixed overnight stays is the more robust arrangement.
YOUR QUESTIONS
Frequently asked questions
A parent only obtains sole custody where the other consents, or where the court is satisfied that ending joint custody best serves the child's welfare. Difficult communication alone is not enough. More common than full sole custody is the transfer of one part of it, usually the right to determine residence, or a decision on a single matter such as the choice of school.
Not alone, as long as both parents hold custody. A move that substantially changes the child's daily life and contact is a matter of substantial significance. If no agreement is reached, the family court decides on application about the right to determine residence. For a move to another EU country, the Brussels IIb Regulation (Regulation (EU) 2019/1111) comes in as well. Clarify a planned move beforehand, not afterwards.
No. Contact and maintenance are separate claims, and contact is first of all a right of the child that the parents cannot set off against each other. Anyone who breaks off contact for that reason breaches an existing arrangement and risks enforcement measures. It also damages their own position in the proceedings. Maintenance is enforced separately, if necessary through an enforceable title and enforcement proceedings.
The youth welfare office is involved and gives a statement on the child's situation. The guardian ad litem is appointed by the court where the child's interests require it. They represent the child's interests alone and are the lawyer of neither the mother nor the father. I prepare clients for what matters in that conversation: the child's perspective, not the balance sheet of the relationship.
I bill by time rather than by the value of the proceedings, which is set low in children's matters: 280 euros per hour plus 19% VAT. The statutory fees under the German Lawyers' Fees Act (RVG) form the minimum. Billing through legal expenses insurance is possible. As a rule the insurer only pays the statutory fees; you bear the difference to the hourly fee.
Discussing a custody or contact situation in Cologne
Bring what you have: how a normal week runs, the arrangement so far, the original correspondence. In the initial consultation that becomes a concrete proposal you can work with. Appointments at Jakordenstrasse 8, by video or by phone.
FAMILY LAW
Custody and contact: your lawyer in Cologne
After a separation, parents have to organise the day-to-day care of their child. Custody concerns fundamental, far-reaching decisions such as the choice of school, medical procedures or where the child lives, which have to be taken jointly where custody is shared. Contact, by contrast, governs personal contact, care time in daily life and arrangements for holidays such as Christmas. It becomes a matter for the family court when parents cannot agree on fundamental questions such as residence, or in long-running contact disputes. I am Dr Hanna Schmidt, attorney at law, and I run DR. SCHMIDT LEGAL in Cologne. I represent one parent and work towards an arrangement that holds.
Custody and contact are two different things
In conversation the sentence “I want custody” comes up almost every time. What is usually meant is something else: the wish that the child should live with you, or that contact with the other parent should be reliably arranged. Those are three separate questions, and they are answered by different standards.
Joint parental custody is the norm
Married parents hold parental custody jointly, and a separation changes nothing about that. Even after one parent moves out, both remain holders of custody until a court decides otherwise. Unmarried parents arrive at joint custody through a declaration of custody at the youth welfare office or before a notary, through marriage, or through an application to the family court.
Joint custody does not mean that every detail has to be agreed. Matters of daily life are decided by the parent with whom the child has its habitual residence. What is decided jointly are matters of substantial significance. These include, for example, the choice of school, a change of school, an operation, religious affiliation, a move to another city and the issue of a passport.
Sole custody is the exception and has to be justified
A parent obtains sole custody on application where the other consents, or where the court is satisfied that ending joint custody best serves the child's welfare. With older children their own wishes weigh increasingly heavily. The fact that the parents communicate badly is not enough.
What matters is whether they can still reach a decision at all on the important questions and whether the child suffers from the deadlock. In practice, full sole custody is rarely the right application. More often the issue is one part of custody or a single matter, such as the choice of secondary school.
The right to determine residence: the part that is really fought over
The right to determine the child's residence is part of parental custody and can be transferred on its own. Whoever holds it determines where the child lives. That is what most proceedings are about, even where they look from the outside like a custody dispute.
For a lawyer that is a question of how the application is framed: an application to transfer the right to determine residence regularly has better prospects than an application for sole custody, because it attacks only the point that is actually in dispute.
Contact: first and foremost a right of the child
The child has a right to contact with each parent, and each parent is both entitled and obliged to have contact; that perspective decides the proceedings. What is measured is the child's relationship with both parents. A fair split between the adults is not the standard. Grandparents and siblings can also have a right of contact of their own under certain conditions.
Both parents must refrain from anything that impairs the child's relationship with the other parent. Contact is only restricted or excluded where the child's welfare requires it, and a longer exclusion presupposes a risk of harm. What actually carries an arrangement in daily life is unspectacular: fixed weekdays with times, a holiday calendar, a handover place and a handover person.
Alternating residence takes more than goodwill
Under an alternating residence model both parents care for the child equally. That works where four things come together: short distances between the two homes and the school, two parents who can communicate about everyday matters, a child who copes with the change, and working hours that fit the calendar.
Where the ability to communicate is missing, the model turns into a permanent conflict with the child in the middle. A court can also order alternating residence, but examines precisely those conditions. A side effect that surprises many: roughly equal care shifts the maintenance calculation, and child maintenance then has to be recalculated.
The child's welfare is the standard, not the allocation of blame
In children's matters the court makes the decision that best serves the child's welfare (section 1697a German Civil Code). In practice that means: anyone who argues in the proceedings about why the other failed as a partner has argued nothing.
What counts is the child's bond with both parents, the continuity of its circumstances, who provided care in the past, what each household can offer, the child's wishes as appropriate to its age, and the willingness to support contact with the other parent actively. That last point is underestimated. It is observed, and it is assessed.
Moving with the child
A move that substantially changes the child's daily life and contact arrangements is not an everyday decision. Where both parents hold custody, they have to agree. If no agreement is reached, the family court decides on application about the right to determine residence, and not about the move itself. Moving without consent is a disadvantage at the outset that can hardly be repaired in the proceedings.
A move abroad adds a second level. For proceedings about parental responsibility within the EU, the Brussels IIb Regulation (Regulation (EU) 2019/1111) applies. Where a child is taken across a border without the consent of the other parent holding custody, the Hague Child Abduction Convention applies, which is designed for a swift return. I advise on this in English as well.
What weakens your position in a custody or contact matter
01
Deciding unilaterally and informing the other afterwards
The school place is taken, the passport applied for, and the other parent hears about it afterwards. Where custody is shared, that is an interference with a right belonging to the other parent. The episode ends up in the file as evidence of an inability to cooperate.
02
Conducting the conflict by message
Messages written at night read differently in proceedings than they did while being written. They are printed out, sorted and read aloud. A single sentence can topple an otherwise sound position. What helps: organisation only, short sentences, no judgements about the other person, no replies in the heat of the moment.
03
Documenting nothing
Saying after eight months that contact was “often” cancelled says nothing. Producing a list with the date, the agreed time, what actually happened and the reason for the cancellation says something. Without documentation it is one account against the other.
04
Mixing up the couple level and the parent level
The hurt and the logistics run through the same conversations. The holidays are then negotiated while the new partner is argued about.
05
Using the child as a messenger
The child takes on a role it cannot carry. It begins telling each parent what that parent wants to hear. Its expressed wishes are then only of limited use in the proceedings.
How I proceed
01
Taking stock, and an aim that daily life can deliver
First we sort out what this is actually about: residence, part of custody, the contact calendar or a single decision. An application that does not work in the calendar helps nobody.
02
Out of court first, but with a deadline
Most contact arrangements come about without proceedings. I write to the other side with a concrete proposal: a calendar with dates, times and handover places, not a statement of principle, together with a deadline, and in parallel everything is documented.
03
Proceedings at the Cologne Local Court
Jurisdiction lies with the family court at the local court in whose district the child has its habitual residence, so for Cologne families as a rule the Cologne Local Court. If the parents agree on contact, the arrangement is recorded as a settlement where the court approves it (section 156(2) FamFG).
04
The urgent case: an interim order
Where there is an urgent need to act immediately, an interim order is possible. Such a decision is provisional and does not replace the final arrangement. Anyone who needs one needs it the same day. It is the exception, however, because the requirement to expedite applies to children's matters in ordinary proceedings as well (section 155 FamFG).
A typical situation
01
The father wants alternating residence
Two children, seven and eleven, and the mother moves to Nippes. Every second weekend was agreed, but it happens irregularly. The first question is then not the model but the weekly schedule. If that schedule does not produce roughly equal care, extended contact with two fixed overnight stays is the more robust arrangement.
YOUR QUESTIONS
Frequently asked questions
A parent only obtains sole custody where the other consents, or where the court is satisfied that ending joint custody best serves the child's welfare. Difficult communication alone is not enough. More common than full sole custody is the transfer of one part of it, usually the right to determine residence, or a decision on a single matter such as the choice of school.
Not alone, as long as both parents hold custody. A move that substantially changes the child's daily life and contact is a matter of substantial significance. If no agreement is reached, the family court decides on application about the right to determine residence. For a move to another EU country, the Brussels IIb Regulation (Regulation (EU) 2019/1111) comes in as well. Clarify a planned move beforehand, not afterwards.
No. Contact and maintenance are separate claims, and contact is first of all a right of the child that the parents cannot set off against each other. Anyone who breaks off contact for that reason breaches an existing arrangement and risks enforcement measures. It also damages their own position in the proceedings. Maintenance is enforced separately, if necessary through an enforceable title and enforcement proceedings.
The youth welfare office is involved and gives a statement on the child's situation. The guardian ad litem is appointed by the court where the child's interests require it. They represent the child's interests alone and are the lawyer of neither the mother nor the father. I prepare clients for what matters in that conversation: the child's perspective, not the balance sheet of the relationship.
I bill by time rather than by the value of the proceedings, which is set low in children's matters: 280 euros per hour plus 19% VAT. The statutory fees under the German Lawyers' Fees Act (RVG) form the minimum. Billing through legal expenses insurance is possible. As a rule the insurer only pays the statutory fees; you bear the difference to the hourly fee.
Discussing a custody or contact situation in Cologne
Bring what you have: how a normal week runs, the arrangement so far, the original correspondence. In the initial consultation that becomes a concrete proposal you can work with. Appointments at Jakordenstrasse 8, by video or by phone.